I live in Tokyo now but most of my friends and family do not. The main idea here is that I can tell these people about interesting things that happen and are seen.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Not Dead Yet

Well, I didn't die at the swimming pool though I was forced to realize that my level of physical fitness is perhaps best described as "abject". However it should be a fun way to exercise and additionally a useful addition to a dude's Apocalypse Skillset so I will go back. How's chlorine in your eyes though? I had forgotten about that shit. Dude... it's chronic.

Flickarz have been quiet lately as my camera doesn't really recharge anymore, though by utilizing massage techniques normally employed only in the relief of acute prostatitis I was able to eke out enough juice for a couple more photos, and those are up now (SPOILER: dead snake in a jar of booze!).

Plus the comic is updated with a pretty basic part 1 of a 2 part thingy (naturally I have broken the site once again in the course of updating it). Keith has sent an email to Lil Jon and you can read it.

Unbelievably, some folks don't know who Lil Jon is - maybe too busy sitting in a darkened room editing the Wikipedia article on cryptography or something. For the benefit of those and others, I submit the following as a crash course in understanding the latest comic... also as evidence that Western society has indeed abandoned any notion of policing the influences to which children are exposed:


Sunday, February 25, 2007

Inter Net is a Magical Resource and It Knows What to Do

I'm gonna go for a swim today in what may be the first instalment of a period of regular exercise. Swimming a proper stroke is a long lapsed skill (maybe last attempted when I was 13 or 14?) so I expect this outing to be somewhat embarassing... I just said to the inter net "okay so how does a dude swim again" so I could maybe get reminded about how much moves to do with my arms and soforth.

Here's what swimmer71holler has to say about the freestyle:

when swimming this stroke you want to pull the water while gliding through the water and when you swim the 50 meters this helps to but don't forget that kick

okay don't forget that kick fellers LET'S GO

( might do a comic today if i don't drown)

Saturday, February 17, 2007

My Fortune, From Kamakura - Found While Packing Up

ILLNESS: If you take care of yourself, you will recover.
PREASURE: You will have your desire fulfilled.
THE PERSON YOU AWAIT: He will comes if you are honest.
LOST ITEM: Looking for the item that you lost.
LAW SUITS: You will win.
QUARREL: You will win.
BUILDING / MOVING: Favorable if you are honest.
MARRIAGE: Will go well.
TRAVEL: Favorable.
LIFE AND DEATH: You will be alive if you are honest.
TOOL: Ink stone, abacus

Stevie Wonder Was Very Excellent My Doggs

Well, the concert was at this place called the Saitama Super Arena, which may give you some indication of its size. We didn't have the best seats exactly, but having seen recent photos of Stevie I was able to work out which barely discernable shape roughly corresponded to his body.

Actually I exaggerate the distance, and the view didn't matter overmuch anyways. He played for about two hours and the set list was better than I dared to hope for. We are talking about 85% real joints to 15% songs that are kinda soft. I thought about doing another pie chart but I think most people know what 85% looks like?

Anyway there was so much realness. Dude's voice seems as supple and beautiful as ever. Though he is kind of fat now, which is awesome, and completely within his mandate. Stevie Wonder has every right to be fat. Why did you bring it up you jerk.

So yeah... I am Stevied up in a big way right now. I'm ready. Do not say some bull crap about Stevie to me. I will slap you and have any novels you may have written banned from school libraries by the Board of Education.


[WOAH the picture was kind of getting more disturbing every time i looked at it so i took it away, sorry]

Thursday, February 15, 2007

oh shit of course

oh yeah and here's the bit from kickboxer where van damme gets wasted and starts dancing

how could i forget

Omens, Portents: The Seasons Revolve, For Perhaps A Smidgen Longer Yet

Well, winter may be drawing to a close here in Japan. Precocious, rowdy ume blossoms are out already, though the temperature has not risen all that appreciably. Generally they are disdained as being poor cousins of the sakura and just basically too damn eager.

I was extremely terrified of the Japanese winter before I came here, but this year at least it largely consisted of dry, sunny, calm days with nice soft light and vague blue shadows. The cold I would generously describe as "enlivening". In retrospect, I rather liked it.

Even as the season turns, so too my fortunes. On Monday I'll move into my new digs in Rad Dudez Town - never again to step off the train on a Saturday night to be greeted by the tell-tale smell of shit - another Fertilizer Night in Futawamukodai (roughly a fortnightly event). This has been a nice wee home base for me, but if I wanted to live in the countryside I could live in the countryside in New Zealand, a place where the countryside is extremely much less crappy. I'm hoping I'll see less people with kumara-size scalp tumours in Rad Dudez Town too but I suppose I'm really just keeping my fingers crossed on that one.

What's more, I saw a Japanese woman today that had a nice arse. NO REALLY.

Now, I don't want to be crass about this, but... I ain't been seeing enough decent arses. It is a fact. I am not really A Arse Dude, or even a man that considers the concepts of "A Tit Dude" and "A Arse Dude" as entirely useful in describing the world, but I have come to realize that I have a definite preference in the matter of A Girl's Bum and it is waaaaaaaay out on the rarefied rightmost reaches of the bell curve in Japan. So I have been feeling a lack... it is like living in a country where there's no orange. You could live a pretty satisfying life without the colour orange, I suppose. But you would miss it and maybe you would think about it a lot more than people normally do, if you get me. So after six months it was a pretty staggering thing for me for me to see this bum - this missing colour! - to see a bum with that kind of righteous geometry. Let me state that this was not an especially pervey experience for me. The satisfaction I obtained from witnessing this great thing was clear, lucid... empyreal! It was like the satisfaction of a dude straight up solving a hardcore maths equation. A saucy, wanton equation, an equation that has longed defied him! A tricky kind of equation. Today I feel like a man who knows the value of x, and possibly also the rate at which x is changing. I hope in my heart that she was not merely equipped an extremely well designed incontinence diaper.

Aaaaand, the other thing that pleases me is that I'm going to see Stevie Wonder play on Saturday. I'm hoping he will mainly bust out the reeeeeeal joints (and also "Part Time Lover").

Here are 4 details that I appreciate about Stevie Wonder's music that maybe other folks haven't thought about a great deal.

1) Near the end of "Do I Do" where he has a go at rapping and quickly derails into saying "za za [sentence fragment] za za" like some forgotten, aphasic member of the Sugar Hill Gang. It was so completely game of him to do this and then leave it on the record. It's a party. Stevie doesn't give a fuck that he can't rap. So awesome.

2) The key change near the end of "I Just Called To Say (I Love You)"... yes it is a pretty terrible song, and that last key change has got to be about the corniest time and fashion in which a key ever was changed. But I recognize this as an achievement, and on the few occasions I have ever listened far enough into the song, that key change has never failed to cause my eyes to clench shut and my arms to curl up to my chest like I was hugging a blanket.

3) At the start of "Don't You Worry (Bout A Thing)" when he's pretending he can speak Spanish. Dude's got a sense of humour. I love it when a genius has a sense of humour.

4) Also from "Do I Do" - how completely stoked is he is to have Dizzie Gillespie playing on his song? It's so nice to hear Stevie being fully psyched about that.

Probably I will write up something about the show afterwards even if it's just "hi it was good! i mean wow - stevie - okay bye now xxxxxxxxxxxxx"

(If I don't it's because I'm busy or I have to buy some stupid cable to make the inter net go at my new house).

Tuesday, February 06, 2007


Since I have foresworn computer games, my idle time is often spent drawing and scheming on how maybe - just maybe - I could make a comic that is pretty decent. Often I want to shout my ideas at the internet, futile though it may be.

However I know from personal experience that it is generally pretty intolerable when a comic creator has a whole bunch to say about every minor detail of his project. To be exposed to such a person, it is like wading through dead leeches or possibly sea cucumbers.

Consequently I have created another blog in which to direct such things - I have just added a bunch of recent sketches that I inked with my new magic pen. Those of you with a perverse desire to witness me punching myself in the testicles for not being exactly like Chris Onstad are welcome to check it out.