I live in Tokyo now but most of my friends and family do not. The main idea here is that I can tell these people about interesting things that happen and are seen.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Strung Out On Caffeinated Breath Mints

Don't ride the dry horse

Some months ago a minor scandal emerged when a small cabal of Nova teachers were busted for dealing cocaine. Lacking the underworld connections and fabulous salary of a Nova position, I have fallen prey to a more modest addiction - "Dry Hard" caffeinated breath mints.

It's a common weakness in my profession. Dry Hard neutralizes the milky gaijin breath with which we might otherwise drench our students - moreover the caffeine dose keeps the eyelids up as they struggle through a third conditional. Like soldiers dosed on ephedrine however, what begins as pragmatic use ends in a enslavement to sordid cravings - one colleague, holidaying in Thailand, took ten packs with him least he be struck with "Fugu Mouth", a putative and probably fictitious withdrawal syndrome. It's all a bit sad considering the Dry Hard's pay-off is a burning sensation in your mouth and a imperceptible buzz equivalent to an eyedropper full of Nescafe.

Another brand in the Mintia range - "Morning Spear" - has been exploited by lovers of rudeness to employ the phrase: "Would you like a suck of my Morning Spear?". (Never by me of course - though I have been guilty of referring to "Dry Harder" and "Dry Hard: With A Vengeance" in the very specific occasion that I must beg Dry Hard from another user three times in the same day. Someone needs to put me in a weighted sack and drown me like a kitten, I know).

Moving on from all that bollocks, the hottest thing in Tokyo streets right now is a fusion of jump-rope and breaking - Japanese folks are typically pretty diligent in the practice of their hobbies so the performances are usually of a high standard... witness here. Flair bartending may also be making a comeback, or at least some fellers were practicing in Yoyogi Park last time I was there. Somehow, Japanese men can do it without appearing to be douchebags.


Also I might go to this.


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